Showing posts tagged Ego Boost of the Day

Online-Dating Inbox Ego Boost of the Day

If online dating is good for nothing else — and usually it isn’t — it is, at the very least, a reliably consistent boost to the ol’ self esteem. Exhibit A, below: I’ve never seen someone literally become frustrated over someone else’s astounding cuteness, much less my own. What can I say other than “Aww, shucks. Stop!”? (And by “stop,” I mean, “Please, continue…”)

you are so cute!!! arghh. 

i found an old message i sent you. i envy your wordplay skills. (i’m a graduate student, which means my neurosis is all about how much smarter/dumber or a better/worse writer someone is compared to me. actually that’s just the primary neurosis. other issues include being paranoid about writing really long sentences.) 

anyway, your witty words have caused me too much pain. i demand that as compensation you either send me the FULL picture of you in the mankini (front AND back), or say something about how killing OBL was a great moment for Am’rrka so I can stop having a crush on a goddamn okcupid profile. 

Jesus Christ. 

Feb 21, 2011 – 4:00pm

SUBJ: check please!

cute, check.

gay black friend - check.

super cute baby photo/ photo with baby - check and check.

well written, check. funny, double check. self deprecating - check, check and another check. I should stop.

I’m guessing the male liz lemon gets a shit ton of tail from dorky-hot female liz lemon type women. And you live in nyc so we probably arent date-compatible. But I just wanted to say your profile is fabulous and totally cracked me up and that doesn’t happen very often.

Are there many male liz lemon types in nyc? If so, I may just HAVE to move there next year.

Cheers,

DM

The second-best OKCupid introductory email ever, received yesterday. (This one probably still ranks #1.)

Presumably my debut would be called ‘Whom is Gilbert Grape Eating Out?’

"Some people say I ‘look a little, but not really’ like Johnny Depp ‘in the right light’," it says in my online-dating profile. I also reveal my porn stage name ("Sam Clay") in there.

The other night I received this email from [handle redacted to save her the indignity of people knowing she bothered to contact the likes of me]:

I’ll be honest; I haven’t a clue why I’m messaging you other than the fact that I was hopelessly drawn in by your brilliant screen name, practically possessed by laughter reading your profile, and relieved to see that there is another human being in the world who appreciates alphabetical order. Bravo. Although, if you look like Johnny Depp in the right light, wouldn’t it behoove you to use that precise lighting for your various porno endeavors and then adopt the stage name Johnny Deep instead? Just a thought.

Best introductory email ever. Johnny Deep. Love it. Bravo to you too, Helena Bone-me Carter.