I + Me = Mea Culpa : (

Dear [Name Redacted],

I owe you an apology. About a week after I publicly humiliated you by posting this, thereby subjecting you to the derision of my tens of thousands of followers, a friend alerted me of my wrongdoing. Here is how it went (*NOTE: actual dialogue approximated):

My Friend Katie: So tell me more about how stupid other people can be.

Me: Gladly! So, like, the other day, some chick from OK Cupid emails me, and her message has two sentences — and one of them is simply “U + me = : )”

MFK: [same look of incredulity that one would expect upon hearing of such inanity]

Me: I know, right?

MFK: What was the other sentence?

Me: That’s not important.

{It is important. It said, “I love your user name!” My user name is a 30 Rock reference.}

A pause. Then —

MFK: Do you watch 30 Rock?

Me: Yeah.

MFK: Well, there was an episode where Jack breaks up with Condoleezza Rice with a text message that just says “U + me = : (“

Me: Oh.

MFK (thinking this, but too nice to say it): Yeah, “Oh.”

A reference, to be sure, the so-called “male Liz Lemon” should have gotten. And so, my fellow online-dating 30 Rock fanatic, I hereby and humbly apologize. 

That said, I don’t really want to go out. You look a little chunky for my taste.


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  1. disastrousdatingdivas said: so did you not see that episode or something? Because its hilarious! -Roxy
  2. mwolman posted this