Last night my summertime housemate informed me that Norman Mailer was a big fan of “poog-uh-lism”

Reminded me of the time my sister went out with a guy who pronounced it in-GEN-you-ee. (There was no second date.)

An old man goes in for his annual physical...

  • Doctor: I'm afraid I have bad news and worse news.
  • Old Man: Lay it on me, Doc.
  • Doctor: The bad news is that you have cancer.
  • Old Man: And the worse news?
  • Doctor: You have Alzheimer's.
  • Old Man: Well, at least I don't have cancer.

Dude, the ’80s were so dope. I love that someone went to Warner Bros. and was like, “We should do an action-drama movie about a truck-driving arm wrestler, and we should get Sylvester Stallone to star in it, and we should give him $12 million to do so,” and then someone at Warner Bros. was like, “Oh my god, that is EXACTLY what we should do,” AND THEN THEY ACTUALLY DID THAT SHIT.

If we figure for inflation, $12 million in 1987 comes out to more than $25.1 million today. TWENTY-FIVE MILLION ONE HUNDRED THOUSAND. For a movie about arm wrestling. For a bit of context: Matt Damon gets about $18 million per movie today; Brad Pitt gets about $20 million per; Tom Cruise gets $22 million per. What a truly spectacular time period to have been a movie star the ’80s were. We’re never going to see an era like that in Hollywood again. R.I.P. to big-budget arm-wrestling movies.

Shea Serrano, on Over the Top (which I’m proud to say I’ve never seen, even at 2 a.m. on USA), in Grantland.

This piece is hilarious top to bottom. So many choice lines. Absolutely perfect example of hi-lo web content (high quality writing about low-brow shit).

(Source: grantland.com)

funnyordie:

Funny Or Die’s Newest Employee Gets an Email Address

Funny Or Die’s newest writer, Mike Scollins, hits the ground running with a wildly inappropriate email to FOD’s HR rep.

I almost did this the first day at my new internship…

(Reblogged from funnyordie)
As disturbing as the recent carnage is, the long-term view is, if anything, worse. Elephants and rhinos are among the last survivors of a once rich bestiary of giants. Australia was home to 13-foot-long marsupials. North America had mammoths and mastodons, South America glyptodonts and enormous sloths, Madagascar massive elephant birds and giant lemurs. Before people arrived on the scene, these megafauna were protected by their size; afterward their size became a liability. The giant beasts couldn’t reproduce fast enough to make up for the losses to human hunting, and so, one after another, they vanished. In this sense, what’s happening today in Africa is just the final act of a long-running tragedy.

Elizabeth Kolbert, on the poaching of African elephants, in last week’s New Yorker. 

I heart megafauna. I would kill (OK, poor word choice) for the chance to go back in time and see a giant lemur or a glyptodont, whatever that is. I hope my grandkids don’t say the same about elephants and rhinos.

(Source: newyorker.com)

theweekmagazine:

The week’s best photojournalism

In some of the week’s most memorable images, lightning cuts the sky, an acrobat takes a terrifying walk, and more

Amazing.

(Reblogged from theweekmagazine)
(Reblogged from mbastuff)

After missing four trains in a row because each of them was so stuffed that people were literally falling out when the doors opened:

  • Me: Is it always like this?
  • Guy Standing Next to Me: At this time, yeah.
  • Me: This is ridiculous.
  • GSNtM: Yep.
  • Me: How do you get to work?
  • GSNtM: Very slowly.
Basically we are all looking for someone who knows who we are and will break it to us gently.
Robert Brault (via larmoyante)
(Reblogged from burningwithboredom)

You know how you make an NBA general manager miserable? Stick him in a loaded lottery…. The draft is more of a crapshoot than anyone realizes….

I combed through every NBA draft since 1995, the first year that high schoolers and one-and-doners started hijacking the process. (Eventually, hard-to-evaulate foreign players would join them.) Then, I re-ranked everyone from those 19 drafts, placing them in the following categories:

• Superduperstar (*****)
• All-Timer (****)
• Franchise Guy (***)
• All-Star (**)
• Quality Starter (*)
• Starter
• Lottery Rotation Guy
• Rotation Guy
• Lottery Whiff (or Possible Lottery Whiff)
• Not Good Enough to Be Mentioned
• Hasheem Thabeet

Bill Simmons, in "The Ultimate Crapshoot."

Brutal.

Zalasiewicz pointed out that rats have followed humans to just about every corner of the globe, and it is his professional opinion that one day they will take over the earth.

"Some number will probably stay rat-size and rat-shaped, but others may well shrink or expand. Particularly if there’s been epidemic extinction and ecospace opens up, rats may be best placed to take advantage of that. And we know that change in size can take place fairly quickly."…

He imagines the rats of the future evolving into new shapes and sizes — some “smaller than shrews,” others as large as elephants.

From “The Lost World,” by Elizabeth Kolbert, in The New Yorker.

Real-life R.O.U.S.’s?? Apparently they will exist.